AME Info recently posted this tongue-in-cheek article:
The Dubai government, mindful of the emirate’s terrible road record, recently pushed through harsher rules to try and improve people’s driving habits. After they came into force, Dubai police said it issued 2,300 fines on the first day. So here are the AME Info unofficial rules of the road for drivers….
AME Info top 21 driving rules in Dubai
1. There are only two speeds on Dubai roads – too fast and stationary.
2. When driving at 120km/hour ensure you are 30cm from the car in front and then furiously flash your lights at them, even though it is three solid lanes of traffic and they can’t move anywhere.
3. Roundabouts are for parking/picking up/dropping off mates. Everyone knows that, stupid!
4. Never indicate at roundabouts, especially when turning left or doing a u-turn – that would just give other drivers a clue of your intentions.
5. Never choose the correct lane for your exit when going round a roundabout – drivers love it when you suddenly cut across them – it tests their brakes.
6. Never indicate when changing lanes. This also gives people a clue of your intentions.
7. If someone is courteous and lets you in, never thank them – that just shows weakness so more fool them for being nice.
8. Never let in drivers who are indicating that they need to move into your lane so they can turn right. It’s fun watching them miss their turning or pull a dangerous manoeuvre.
9. If you do miss your turning, just reverse, no matter how fast the on-coming traffic – it’s their duty to avoid you.
10. Always brake at the last possible moment – then you can see the whites of the other driver’s eyes in their rear-view mirror as they widen.
11. When speeding in the slow lane, flash the car in front who is actually going slow. Everyone knows slow cars should be in the middle lane.
12. Slow cars – always drive in the middle lane, forcing other cars to overtake on either side of you.
13. Hard shoulders are designed to help you get past that traffic jam quickly, not for broken down cars/lorries or actual emergencies.
14. When in heavy traffic, a gap of half a car is an invitation.
15. Equally, a red light is more of a request than an order.
16. Your horn is like beautiful music to other drivers, so keep hitting it.
17. Never strap your child in – that wastes valuable seconds in getting to your destination.
18. Speeding through a petrol station as a short cut when trying to get past a traffic jam is legitimate.
19. Never fully concentrate on the road; instead use your journey wisely, eg for texting, chatting on the phone, eating, drinking or reading. In extreme cases, your drive is also a good opportunity for a quick nap.
20. Always open your door and spit when in traffic jams – it is big and it is clever.
21. Finally, one for the pedestrians – always cross the motorway/freeway at its busiest point, when cars are at their fastest. Drivers love the adrenaline rush as you run in front of them and they get to test their driving skills as they try to control that skid.